Bi And Large

I was just reading this excellent article in Newsweek about Jenny Sanford's brilliant public response to her husband, SC governor Mark Sanford's, bumbling and idiotic behavior re: his Argentine mistress. She has been put in a terrible situation, she has 4 children to protect, and she has been betrayed and publicly humiliated by her husband, the very person who promised to support and protect her. Still she comes out of it with her head held high, neither sounding vindictive nor like a doormat. She's just brilliant. I hope her sons turn out just like her.

Anyway I was thinking, we've had a hell of a lot with the public infidelity lately. There's Jon of 'Jon and Kate Plus 8' and his 20-something rendezvous at the bar. There's Elizabeth Edwards on Oprah talking about her new book, Resilience, that mainly deals with the fallout from her husband's very bad behavior with a video producer. (Seriously?) Hillary Clinton making her own career and life a rousing success after, well, Bill. There's Silda Spitzer, Eliot Spitzer's wife, who was not only betrayed and harmed by her husband but then trashed by the media for not divorcing him immediately, even though she had young children. And Suzanne Craig, Larry Craig's wife, standing by him through all the many, many men coming forward to admit they had done the nasty with him.

What's with all the cheating going on lately? I mean, I know, it always goes on, no surprise there. But doesn't it seem like a big rash of it lately? Especially the public ones? There's a lot of wives being dragged through this publically through no fault of their own and a lot of husbands who should know better - if not for their marriages at least for their careers - than to be running around with hookers and mistresses and having sex with strangers or at gay men's clubs or airport bathrooms. Where's the self control? Do these men just not have any character?

I realize that not everyone agrees with my definition, but I was raised to view marriage as a covenant, as in the religious context. You make a promise, and you keep it, come hell or high water. Your promise has nothing to do with the other person and how they act, your promise has nothing to do with whether or not you feel like it, you just DO IT. Because you said you would. And you are a decent person who respects your family, and has the strength of character to do so, and to model honorable behavior for your children. I am shocked that so few people out there seem to be into self respect.

ANYWAY as I am thinking through the reactions of the various wives in the public eye, and whose I am impressed by, and whose I am pained by. I am wondering - what would YOU do, how would YOU react, if your spouse broke your marriage covenant? There are a lot of readers to this blog, a last count about 100 pages loaded a day from all over the world, so I am hoping to get a decent variety of responses. If you found out your spouse had given themselves to someone else (or, God forbid, if you have already lived this nightmare; I am so sorry) please let me know how you would choose to react. Would you stay? Go? Take the high road or the low road? What would you say? Leave me a comment and let me know!

We get back home, I go back to work, and I get sick. Where is the justice in that?!?!

Anyway it was a good trip. My mom is doing so much better just in the past week or two. All of a sudden she has some strength back and she has her 'personality' back - she seems like her old self. And it used to be that the littlest things would wipe her out for an entire day. Now she is up and around for a full weekend and not looking back! Yes she is still in the full cast and doing the IV thing a million times a day. BUT that can be managed as long as there is an end in sight, right?

On Friday I worked in her garden, mainly on her roses. She has maybe 18 big rose bushes around her patio, and all of them were just past their peak of bloom. I deadheaded the blooms that were gone and cut the rest to bring in so she could enjoy them. And my GOSH. I filled every container in the house, literally, with long stemmed roses. Purples, pinks, whites and yellows. Single and double blooms. The smell worked through every last inch of the house and was so wonderful! Anyway I got everything deadheaded back, a couple of leggy ones topped, a few with powdery mildew pruned and sprayed, and everything well watered. I felt good about it. We spent the evening introducing our girls to Loards ice cream - they were suitably impressed! (aside: Heather will be as appalled as we were to know that they no longer have menus and they no longer will let you order at a table, even a party with 2 little kids and a wheelchair. We had to drag everyone up from the table and go wait in line at the front to order off the board, which my mom couldn't see and the kid's couldn't read, wait for them to make 6 sundaes while a line formed out the door, then cart it all back to the table. Stupid!)

Saturday was the day we went down to Santa Cruz, where my grandparents and some aunts and uncles live. If you're not familiar with the area, they have a famous boardwalk there on the beach, with rides and games, and it seemed like after visiting family it would be fun to walk through it with the kids. And it was! Corn dogs and salt water taffy and rides. For some years Pete has been the go-to-guy for rides with our girls, because I am fat and unwieldly on them, but he wasn't around. So I did it, and I am very proud of myself for doing so. I managed the log ride with Amy, and the tilt a whirl, and the cave train. Iris went on the kid's rides like the whales and boats and airplanes that go around in a circle. Papa was very proud of her that she was the only kid that kept her airplane up in the air the entire ride! After that my parents decided to go for a walk with the wheelchair on the boardwalk and let me take the girls down to the beach for 15 minutes or so to see the ocean, and we'd meet back.

This started out as a great idea. My kids so infrequently get to see the ocean, and it's so important to us. They loved the waves, and jumped right in the cold water, and made sand castles, and I showed them how to dig for fiddler crabs with their feet. We found one with bright orange eggs under her shell. Iris got totally bowled over by a big wave, dunked under water and thrown up on the beach, and didn't even mind. She just popped back up and grinned and said, "I can't breathe under water!" lol. It was sunny and perfect, and the beach was pretty crowded, but we had an excellent time. So after a while I called the girls to start walking back up towards the boardwalk. Iris started up, and Amy was putting the last touch on a sandcastle and dawdling just a little, but was coming. I started walking and there were maybe 5 feet between me and each of the girls. I turned to Amy, down at the water line, and told her to come along. She stood up and started after us. I turned to Iris, up the beach, and told her to get her shoes. I turned back to make sure Amy wasn't too far behind me... and she was not there. I stopped. I called after Iris to come back. I called Amy. I went back to the water. She was gone. I was confused - 10 seconds ago she was RIGHT THERE and was following me. Where was she? I looked all over the beach, no Amy. Then I started to get worried. We looked EVERYWHERE, and she was just gone, just vanished in a sea of people. We called and called. We walked this way and that, no Amy. People who had been around the area we were noticed we were missing a child and started to help us look. I told them what she was wearing and her name and they started calling and looking, too. No Amy. Have you seen a little girl? Blonde, pink shirt, black shorts? No, no no. No one had seen anything. I looked in the water, nothing. I looked up the beach, nothing. I heard kids calling, "Mama!" and I would flip around but it was never her. She was gone in an instant. I took Iris and headed over to the next manned lifeguard tower to let them know my daughter was missing. I started crying when I told them. They took her description and sent out the trucks back and forth all along the beack looking for her. I walked and called. My dad came looking for me and he ran all over the beach calling for Amy, and couldn't find her. The lifeguards started checking the water in case she had drowned. All I could think was, someone must have taken her. If she had gotten distracted - as Amy does - I would have called her and found her, looking at a shell or seaweed or chasing a seagull, not far away. She would be somewhere on this beach. She wouldn't just be GONE. The thought made me sick. I cried. Iris asked me if we were going to have to leave Amy behind forever. A group of people on the beach started to gather and pray for Amy as news spread. We walked and called and looked. I kept yelling her name. After a while I figured I should take Iris up to the boardwalk to my mother so she could change out of her wet clothes and sit with Grammie while I kept running all over the beach. I went up there, sat down next to my mom defeated and crying and terrified. My mom was crying too. I had no idea what to do next. What do you do???

After getting Iris changed and making some phone calls I was dialing the phone to call Pete and tell him he needed to come out because Amy was missing. And I looked up into the throng of people on the boardwalk, and I saw a policeman walking towards me, and from behind him came a blond girl in a pink shirt and black shorts. It took a minute to hit me, and then she started running towards me crying. AMY!!! I sobbed and grabbed her. He said, "You must be Sonnet?" and I couldn't even answer him. We just hung on to each other and cried.

So APPARENTLY this is what we have been able to piece together. After Amy started up the beach towards me, she fell and her hands got covered in sand. She ran back to quickly rinse them off in the water, but when she did she moved away from us down the beach a little (waves do that) and I didn't see her when I turned back. She didn't see me either when she came back up, and thought we had gone on ahead, so she ran up to the boardwalk trying to catch up. She must have gone behind my back while I was turned the other direction calling for her. Then while she was up there, we were all down at the beach looking for her. She realized she was lost, and spent some time walking back and forth trying to find our meeting place. When she couldn't find that, she walked out of the boardwalk and found a policeman. (How she did this, I do not know. I also have never told her to, a la Gift of Fear, I have always told her to find another mom to ask for help - but whatever it worked.) She told the policeman her name was Amy F___________ and she was lost. She told him my full name, my parent's names, and that my mom was in a wheelchair so it would be easier to spot her. I wish she had stayed in one place like we had JUST talked about that morning, once she realized she was lost; but even so I am also proud of her for knowing all that info and knowing how to tell someone who could help what they needed to know. So I guess this policeman took her back to the boardwalk and was walking through it with her checking in with every woman in a wheelchair they saw. Lucky for us, eventually they happened to check in on my mom, and right when I was sitting there too. THANK GOD for taking care of my baby, I am so grateful, and I hope it never happens again!

Phew!

Sunday we spent the day at Pier 39 with my sister, who was massively hungover and not much fun to talk to but hey I still love seeing her. We got to see the sea lions which are always amusing, and I bought the girls sea lion puppets which they love. Rode the big carousel. Looked at Alcatraz. Ate shrimp, did all that stuff. That evening we went to a quick dinner with our very good old friends T and J, and it just made my heart so happy to see and hug them both. They are such good, good people and I love them so. It had been too long and it struck me how withdrawn I have really been the past 2 years. Since Sam died I have pulled into myself a lot I know, and have let a lot of my good friendships lapse, and that's not right. I need to start talking more!

Monday was our flight home, which did NOT go through Denver as I thought but through Phoenix. I wish I had noticed this before and had arranged a longer layover, and I could have seen H! As it was we had like a 30 minute layover, and the kids missed lunch, and tried to run for a plane while carrying pizza and it dropped, and they both HOWLED, and so I went across the airport dragging 2 screaming kids and almost missed a flight. Good times. But we made it home. By like 11pm. And I was up for work at 6:30 this morning!

All in all a very action packed and wonderful weekend. It was so good to be with my family and help out even a little. Do some laundry, make some meals, provide some entertainment, whatever. I am really glad we went.

On a different note, I think all the stuff with our summer nanny was just adjustment-related. Things seem to be going super now and I am so glad! The kids are happy, I'm happy, I hope she is happy... I think it will work out just fine. Swim lessons start at the end of the week! Let's hear it for summer, safe at home all together and glad to be here.

We are safely home again!

It was an amazing, packed, and wonderful trip, full of fun and great memories. Well, except for the hours that Amy went missing. Yeah I'll tell you all about that one later. I hope to never experience that one again. But whatever, she found a policeman, the policeman found us, and we are all home safe together again.

And I have to be at work at 7:45 tomorrow morning, which means I will be getting maybe 5 hours of sleep if I am lucky. Yay!

Nothing like hitting the ground running....