Bi And Large

Just doing some last minute things here before we head into the hospital tomorrow. The last few days have been exhausting. I hate that I'm emotionally so wiped out, I couldn't stop crying all day today, I couldn't tolerate anyone but Pete talking to me. I'm not feeling in much shape to begin a difficult induced labor! I swing between shaking and weeping in panic and feeling like I just want it over and done with so I can move on with life.

It feels like we have SO much left to do, I'm not ready for this.

We leave at 6:15 tomorrow morning, which is a HUGE pain in the ass if you ask me - who schedules these things!??! Seeing as I'm accustomed to sleeping from 2am to 9am, waking up at 5:30 is the middle of the freakin night. I've taken sleeping pills and had a glass of wine tonight to try and sleep (doctor's advice, don't flame me) and we'll see. I still have to recheck and pack my labor bag and pack a recovery bag.

Amy will still be asleep when we leave tomorrow morning. I won't see my big girl before I go into this. It is driving me crazy. I wish she could be there with me somehow. I don't want her to wake up when I'm gone and be scared. I kept trying to explain to her that I will already be at the hospital when she wakes up in the morning but she doesn't seem to care! But then when she asked how babies come out and I showed her some pictures in my birth books, she also declared "That's not a baby, that's a big stinky poop!" Yes well.... in time she'll figure out how all of this works I guess.

Please wish me luck, and easy and speedy delivery, and lots of strength. I need a lot of reserves to fight this fight. I'm determined to do the best I can do so this time I can look back and be proud of how I handled it, if nothing else.