Bi And Large

Best lunch EVER:

1 whole grain pita pocket, spread with
a dollop of yogurt ranch dressing, stuffed with
roasted chicken breast (thin sliced)
tomatoes from the garden
muenster cheese
daikon radish sprouts

OMG. I am in heaven!

Surprise! I have a job! And, I've already been there a whole day already!

When I first started interviewing, I spoke to a place down the street from me that using laser therapy to treat peripheral neuropathies (the unending 'pins and needles' sensation) in people with surprising success. It's one of like 5 clinics in the nation to do so and it's one of the very best. I didn't get the job, but when that happened, I got a very nice phone call from the office manager just calling to tell me that it was a very tough decision and that I would have been her first choice, which was sweet. So fast forward to last night, and at 6pm as I was getting out of the shower the phone rings and it is said office manager again. She was like that other person we hired to do this? Yeahhhhh not so much.... can you be here tomorrow? And train really heavily then and Friday? Because I really need you running the laser by Monday.

Holy Shit.

So, that was that. And, I have a job! And, I went to work today!

And OMG I am so fucking tired, my hair is tired. I think things will go great, I'm just so. tired!

I signed paperwork today and did a lot of training and I am, officially, now a laser therapist using LLLT to treat peripheral neuropathy. I have my scrubs (I need more, I'm waiting on some from online, the ones I bought today don't fit just right) and I have my OWN OFFICE - my own exam room, my own table, my own laser and my own cryo machine. LOVE it. This job is roughly the equivalent of what a PA is to an MD, I am to a DCM. Meaning I interview patients, get them settled in the exam room, find out what their needs are, and actually do all the treatment; but the doctor gives the orders for everything. He gets to be the brains, I get to be the hands. Twice today he did slight chiropractic adjustments while we (I was shadowing another therapist) did the light therapy, although his clinic does hardly any "chiro" work and does 99% neuropathy.

What's amazing about it? It actually works. Every patient I saw today had amazing stories and just looking through their charts, their parathesia and pain had improved dramatically. And neuropathy is one of those things that for so long, doctors have just said I am sorry, there is nothing we can do, here's some morphine. This not only works, it has no side effects. I suspected at first it might be an alternative medicine scam, but I did a bunch of research last night and there's pretty solid evidence that this does help more than placebo. It encourages cell metabolism and growth, improves circulation, and actually increases ATP production within the cells. This has all been shown in good, double blind studies in people, animals, and even in petri dishes! So there is scientifically something to it.

The good parts: I love the other staff, we get along great. The pay is good. The commute is FANTASTIC, I am literally down the street from my house. I feel confident that I will be able to do this job well. I enjoy the building and my room and the front desk and everything else. The hours are just a little long (full time+, I was hoping for about 20/week, but whatever, we need the $$$) but I can handle it I think. They are so backlogged that it is a constant stream of patients and chatting with them makes it go by faster. I like the patients I have met so far and I have already seen some really fascinating cases, so the work is really interesting.

The hard parts: I miss my home. I miss my babies. I dropped Iris off this morning, she wasn't even staying all day, Pete was picking her up early. She was bawling as usual because she didn't want me to go and all of a sudden, I just started bawling. Yeah. Looking like a fucking idiot there in the middle of preschool. I HATE LEAVING HER. I miss the way it feels to snuggle her, I miss the way she smells, I miss the sound of her voice and the way her hair curls. Every part of me aches missing her. And Amy too, although it is slightly easier since I am used to her being in school. I miss getting her off the bus, and hearing about her day. I miss my home, and clearing it up, and sitting in the living room with the windows open and a cup of tea, or folding laundry while everyone is napping. I even miss the slobbery dog. This is a GREAT job and I'm thrilled with it but you know what? I already had a great job. And I'm so, so deeply sad that I got fired from that gig, because I loved it more than anything.

Anyway I am conflicted but if this is the way it has to be, I think this is the best possible scenario. My boss and coworkers are really nice. The patients are nice. The work is fun and interesting. I get to wear scrubs. And I get paid so maybe we won't lose our house because we can't pay our bills. It's a good thing, right?

I can't believe I am going to get up in the morning and do this all again!

OMG.

So, we have many, many neighbours in our neighbourhood that we love. It is rather like a large extended family here. We all watch each other's kids, borrow cups of sugar and each other's cars, grow food and flowers for each other, chat over cookies or movies or tea or rootbeer floats year round. Love them. We are very close.

We also have one family, across the street, who we are not close to. They hate us for some reason, although we have never figured out why. They get along well with most other families in the area. They have teenage kids and 2 of the 3 are rotten. Including arrests for vandalism, theft, and stalking of another neighbour's teenage daughter. The first summer we were here I told them off big time (hey, I was pregnant; it was bad though I was yelling and cursing at kids when they yelled back at me) because they were shooting illegal fireworks on our roof, maybe that was their issue with us. They are shitzu owners too and way scared of Charlotte, and always yelling at us that we shouldn't have her out in our own yard, even though their tiny shitzu has bitten a couple kids and Charlotte just lumbers slowly along loving everyone. But whatever. Normally, we coexist peacefully, all is well.

So NICE family directly behind us, with cool dogs and great people who watch our girls and bring us apples and raspberries and are so great, and three very sweet teenagers; their son is friends with MEAN family's rotten son. Not sure how that goes but hey whatever. Are you tracking with me here?

So tonight several of us families were out playing in the yard with the younger kids. We had a soccer game on, several on the swingset, two doing gymnastics, two hunting for toads. Nice fall evening. I had Charlotte out on her lead laying on the lawn getting snuggles from two of the girls and a toddler who would go up to her and shriek every time she got a dog kiss. A couple of us parents were out chatting and watchng the kids as the sun went down and it got dark.

Just as we're about to head in, we hear a THHHWWWWWAP! and this bright green arc flies through the sky, through a group of kids (!!!) and HITS THE DOG!!!!!! It then bursts into orange flame and shoots sparks and lights her tail on fire! She is yelping and growling and running and the kids are yelling. Charlotte gets the light free and it goes out on the lawn - a bottle rocket. Someone shot a fucking bottle rocket into a crowd of toddlers. Oh that's fucking GREAT. It lit our dog on fire!!!

So I check Charltte out and she seems scared and slightly charred but OK, she has pretty thick fur. I get her and the girls inside and the other parents scatter as well. The rocket came from Nice Neighbour's back deck. Weird. When I went in and told Pete he went up to Nice Neighbour's house to find out what the hell? He gets up there and it is a small party. No parents. Rotten Neighbour's three kids are there and they are drunk and have bottle rockets. Brilliant. Pete tells them off and points out that it hit the dog and could have hit the kids. 

He came home and we made the difficult decision to call the police. Sent them up there to break up the party and send the drunk 15 / 16 year olds home and confiscate their illegal fireworks and maybe impress upon them how dangerous this was. I feel badly that Nice Neighbours, the parents, will likely have some fallout from this and I am certain they have no idea it is going on. I am 99.9% sure it was not their kids doing the bottle rocket stunt. And they will get in trouble for it. But all the same, it's at THEIR house. And their kids need to figure out picking their damn friends a little better, and they should know better than drinking and being stupid while their parents are gone. If it was me, I would want someone to call the police, I really would. So we did. I plan on talking to them in a day or two, I hope they understand.



Just thank God their stupid bottle rocket hit the poor dog and not one of the tiny ones toddling around on the grass 10 feet either side of her. They could have easily blinded one of the kids, or worse. I am REALLY shaken.

In other news Pete's interview for the VP position has been moved to tomorrow morning. I have interviews Wednesday and Thursday. Tomorrow is picture day for Amy, and I see my pdoc / psych on Friday. Happy Thoughts please!

I'm feeling sad, today. Reading a blog on my daily list reminded me of all that I have given up to be here, and that starts the grief I can't quite shake off. Grief, and more than a little bit of feeling that familiar sense of suspicion: Perhaps, if I looked a little bit more normal, as I am supposed to, maybe my life would be a little bit more normal and my normal needs would be met, just like that. Maybe not. But it is always there at the back of my mind, wondering.

OK so yeah this whole back to school thing has been more energy and planning and paperwork than my own damn wedding, I swear! Sorry to have been so AWOL.

The upside: Amy LOVES kindergarten! She has a great teacher and is in a fantastic school district. She takes the bus every day. It stops 2 houses down and she rides with a few neighbors she knows. Our pastor's daughter is in her class. She loves the playground, she loves what she is learning, she loves her backpack, she really loves that she can buy her own lunch every day. Lunch here, astoundingly, is only $2.30, and I couldn't make her lunch in a brown bag for that, so she buys it using an account we put money into and a PIN#. She picks some food from the cafeteria, enters her PIN, and there ya go. She loves all the independence. Every day I go out front to meet her as she comes off the bus, and I say, How was your day? And she always jumps and yells, "Grrrrrrreat!" She's really happy and that's good. She's also learning a lot. The paperwork was overwhelming to get it all filled out and done, but it's done now and she should be good!

Iris and preschool? Not so much. She's in the same preschool that Amy just graduated from, and we know it's a safe, good school. Her teacher is new to us though, and she seems a little sketch. And Iris hates, hates, hates it. She has terrible nightmares all the time. The fear of school has totally upset her. Tuesday she was only there for a couple hours and when I picked her up, she was not only hysterical, she had lost her voice from screaming the entire time I was gone. Thursday I called up and organized to stay in class with her. When I told her I would be with her all day, thinking that would help ease her back into it, she still cried so hard she was gagging herself at the idea of going to school. So we didn't even make it on Thursday. She has stopped sleeping. Last night she was up past 2am and finally crashed out face down at the top of the stairs. It's just really messing with her. It has been a couple weeks and it is getting much worse, not any better. Normally I would pull her out and say OK, not worth the trauma, let's wait and try again next year. But I NEED a job and that means Iris NEEDS to be in school. So I have no idea what to do now.

On the job front: zippo. I apply for at least 5 - 6 jobs every day, more if I can find them and have the time to do the research on the company and write cover letters in between school pickups and cleaning etc. I have had a few interviews. Nothing. I'm frustrated because we need the money so badly.

Main news recently: My mom went through major surgery on Monday. She has been in a wheelchair because the bones in her feet are dissolving as a complication of having very long term diabetes. The breakdown of bone is what caused an infection in 2004 and gave her sepsis and organ failure and put her in the hospital for so long. She has no infections now, but her feet (especially her left foot) is very badly deformed and she cannot walk on it. And it hurts. SO this cool surgery they are doing makes her bionic: They reformed the foot, fused a bunch of bones to make them stronger, and totally removed others and replaced them with steel, and anchored the whole thing up her leg and ankle. It ended up being a much more complicated and difficult surgery than expected, and took all day. She has been in a LOT of pain and it has been really difficult for all of us, especially dad and Kysa who are there bearing the brunt of it. It has brought back so many horrible memories for all of us with her unconscious and hurting in the hospital. Beyond that recovery has been difficult with blood sugar problems and oxygen level problems and a suspected PE (what killed Sam.) BUT it sounds like yesterday (Thursday) she kind of turned a corner with recovery and with pain control. She was able to come off her IV and able to stand up briefly, and last night they actually discharged her. So she's home now recovering with lots of percocet. She has one of those frankenstein cage braces on her leg, with the pins and screws coming out, and she will have that and be in the wheelchair still at least 3 months. Hopefully, when all that healing is done, she will have a foot she can walk on for short distances again and be pain free. We'll see!

Thanks for checking in on me. Sorry to have been so off and on. It has been the most crazy summer / autumn. I'm so exhausted!

OK.

So it's Monday night, a SCHOOL NIGHT... the very first one in our house. Tomorrow everyone has to be up early, Pete has to be at work, Amy has to catch the bus and I need to drive Iris to preschool. I'm excited for them and sad all at once! I am sure I will be back tomorrow night or the next day with tons of stories and pictures.

So, camping.

I put an entire album of camping pictures up in the links on the left. Enjoy! I won't leave it up forever but for now, it stays. If you look at it one picture at a time instead of via slideshow, there are captions that explain each picture too; so I don't have to do that here.

We drove out on Sunday and got a completely late start. Everything took so much more time than we expected (isn't that always the way!) We arrived at our campsite with the light fading and just enough time to get partially unpacked, start a fire, get the tent thrown together, and figure out where the bathrooms were before crashing. The girls didn't really sleep that night. The whole idea of this big 2-room tent thing was they would sleep in their room, we would sleep in ours. Did it work that way? Noooooo. We ended up with little bodies tossed all over ours and cold feet in our armpits all night. Oh, and cold - did I mention cold? We had a frost warning that night! And we were short a couple of blankets (Pete and I don't have sleeping bags and the girl's are rated to like, +60 or something.) Basically, sleep was very very uncomfortable. BUT everything else about camping was great.

If you have kids, especially small kids that require more effort than they are able to give back in helping out, I can't recommend camping at a KOA or similar campground enough! Toilets, hot showers, firewood and ice all bagged and ready to go, stuff for the kids to do, and a clean level campsite already free of rocks and set up with a picnic table and fire ring ready to go. There's even a game rom for renting play equipment and gift shop for anything you forgot to pack. Seriously. It's THE way to camp if you've got kids. Our site was spotlessly clean, stunningly beautiful, comfortable as could be. We had helpful staff that were unobtrusive but who could be found if you needed anything. The grounds had cool historical stuff to explore, trails in the woods (apparently, we didn't explore them!) A heated pool, a very cool playground, a fishing pond stocked with fish, and a 'jumping pillow' that is somewhat like the world's largest trampoline in the ground. We had day excursions tenatively planned and then found we didn't even need them, we had so much to do at the site. We relaxed: I read 3 books laying in the garden and it felt great! We sat in the sun, we cooked over the fire or on the portable grill. Or, attempted to cook. Some things worked out better than others.

We did manage to kill our car battery opening and shutting the lift gate on the back while we accessed our gear. Power gate and all. So when we left, we tried roadside assistance, who were no good where we were. We asked at the front desk, and they came down to our site and kindly jumped us.... with a tractor :D But it worked and we were back on our way home to comfortable beds at last (oh my aching hips!) Still it was a great adventure to have as a family. No tv, no computers, just us together. It was a lot of fun, and it really was relaxing. And you can't beat the price: we paid less than $25/night. Compare that to inclusive hotel rates at any other vacation spot! We'll definitely be doing it again.

Anyway, as I said school starts tomorrow. I'm a little nervous. I'm stressed because I don't have work yet. I've been interviewing a few places but nothing yet! And I really need a job. We are stone cold broke, as in so broke we aren't sure how to feed the kids (thank God for school lunch) and I can't afford to fill my meds this paycheck. I was really hoping to have an income by now. I do have a much clearer idea about what I want to do, and that helps some. I know I want to work in health care. I know I want to be a medical assistant for now, and get my master's to become PA certified eventually and become a physician assistant. Trouble is, the only school in the state that does a PA program has about 300 applicants for 25 places each year, and I wouldn't be able to work while I was in school. So, I have to put that off for now, but it's something I really want to do. PA's get paid well and I would have the ability to basically be a doctor at last (you KNOW I always wanted to!) without all the headaches of being a doctor. For now, I know I would love part time work but unless I land some kind of crazy lucrative gig, it won't be enough to pay the bills; so I need full time or almost full time. Tomorrow means back to looking and hopefully back to scheduling more interviews. Wish me luck!