Bi And Large

Frantically Waiting for the next stage in life just describes me to a T these days. And it is exhausting! It crossed my mind today that I think I owe just about every single friend I have an email.... for that I am sorry. It's coming, give me a few minutes to clear my head.

OK, let's see where I left off. Mom... mom is ok. I don't think I posted photos here of her leg, but when they did the reconstruction (early September was the original surgery) they put her in a cage brace, you know, like the kind with posts and wires that looks like Frankenstein, you sometimes see them used for bone lengthening procedures? It involved 7 rods of various diameters drilled through her tibia and talus to stabilize things. So she finally got the cage taken off that last week of January and they put a heavy strap brace / boot on her foot and ankle, the kind sometimes used after a cast or for a sprain.

SO, my mom was down at her parents, because my dad was away for the week, and she was sitting on the couch minding her own business and she turned to say something to her mother while sitting on an old saggy couch, with this heavy boot on. Remember all those holes in her tibia? 60 year olds with long term diabetes don't rebuild bone very fast. And suddenly there was all this torque, and.... snap. She fractured it good. Now just a couple weeks after FINALLY getting out of her cage and the wheelchair, she is back in it with a cast up to her hip and a lot of pain. The good news is, they didn't have to amputate anything, and there doesn't appear to be any infection, and I guess now they know. But sheesh.

The plan: Even after only a few weeks out of the cage, mom's foot was starting to supinate / turn inwards at the ankle just a little bit again. Much of the "bone" structure in her foot is now made of metal, but it is built with joints to flex and move like a normal skeleton would. It's so flexible and her remaining bone is decomposing so fast, she was already seeing problems again. Plus, this fracture happened mainly at one hole in the tibia left by 1 rod from the cage. That leaves 6 others that maybe could break in the future, right? So they are planning on doing ANOTHER surgery this week, and placing a steel (or titanium, or whatever it is they use) rod along her tibia to support it, and to extend it all the way down into her foot at the calcaneus / heel. Then that ankle can't fold very well, can it! Plus her leg will be strengthened. She is laid up for a minimum of 8 weeks already anyway, so might as well do a surgery now and at the end of the 8 weeks be stronger for it.

I can't imagine how much fun plane flights are going to be, getting through security, with this woman in the future :)

In other news we got socked by a blizzard today, which was kind of fun. Everything shut down early, and I had to leave work and go find the kids and trek home. Now, my commute is all of about 4 miles. No stress. But there is something deeply appealing about finding your children in a strong storm, windy and snowy and cold and dangerous that shuts down the city, holding them and bringing everyone safely home. MN State patrol was reporting after the evening commute 245 crashes and 318 vehicles off the road, which is a lot for an area that deals with snow pretty much 9 months out of the year! So you know it was a powerful storm. As Amy said today looking out the window, "What is this, some kind of North Pole???"

Not much else to report other than that I am out of my mind with running around, fixing cars, going to doctors, organizing kids stuff, cleaning house, running errands, and just generally exhausting myself. I am done and need a day off! I request vacation time effective immediately. I've also noticed the past week, as I have been more stressed out than usual, that a significantly larger number of kids than normal have been letting me know I am fat. (Well, duh, nice powers of observation there Inspector Spyglass!) When I am taking care of myself and am healthy and happy, even though I am clearly still quite fat, kids are more likely to tell me I am beautiful, if they say anything at all. So I must be projecting an especially unkept vibe right now. It's time to do something. Fingers crossed for the end of winter, the start of being able to get outside again coming up soon so I can shed my hibernation plumage, and start resting and taking time for myself. And maybe not beating myself up so much if I don't get quite *everything* done in a day. I'm starting to show the bruises!

My dad is in LA at continuing education this week.

My mom fractured her leg tonight. The one with the reconstruction. No, seriously. It just happened, and she is at the ER with my uncle. I just 5 minutes ago was finally able to get my dad out of a lecture and let him know, and I have no idea when he can get back home. I think Kysa told my brother already. I have NO idea how bad the break is or where it is, or if it requires more surgery, or even if this means amputation for this poor leg, or what. She's not at her 'home' hospital, she was down at her parent's place; so she is away from her own surgeons and x-rays and whatever. I imagine they will transfer her back up once she is stabilized.

Good grief. If there was ever a reason to avoid diabetes...

First things first: Congrats to Shez and Rendrag on the birth of their baby girl, Katherine, this week. She's a cutie!!

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I am, frankly, in a shitty mood. I require much pampering and attention. I am getting over a cold, work has been horrible, I spent 2 hours getting a hair style and foil thing done and not one person in my world noticed, I am exhausted, I would like to strangle my boss with his own model of a spinal column, I am behind on my housework, I'm WAY behind on errands I promised I would do, I have a burning burning fever producing UTI, and my feet hurt. Hence, the title. Please, put me out of my damn misery.

Besides being exceptionally busy and stressful, I've had an issue come up at work, and I got written up unfairly for it. I had to sign a document that wasn't true, and I am being set up to take a fall to protect my office's lack of secure systems. I am beyond pissed and I am so annoyed that it happened in the first place, and had to happen on my shift. I'm weary of the stress, and long days on my feet, and crazy people I have been dealing with. I need a vacation. Oh I soooooo need a vacation!

Have you ever seen how much of a mess there is when a St Bernard harfs up a whole mucusy full stomach load on your living room carpet?

No?

I suggest maybe not finding out in person. It's a lot. And it's pretty nasty.

This is a Public Service Announcement.

To all my coworkers, friends, family, whoever I come in contact with during the day (and all the people I don't, for that matter.)

WASH YOUR DAMN HANDS.

Seriously. And wash them properly. I am no longer going to sit by and pretend like I didn't notice that you just turned the water on and then turned it off again 0.5 seconds later after you used the bathroom. I can hear you, you know. Getting your dirty and germ covered hands slightly wet does not, in fact, clean nor disinfect them. Then I have to go through the rest of the day being totally squicked out by the thought of your hands touching me or my work space or living space or anything else I might touch, which makes me sound like a completely OCD germphobe.... but I mean this in particular instances, when I'm looking right at YOUR specific hands that I know you just now did not wash and wanting to ralph if you come near me or touch my pen or my shirt or God help us my food.

So let's talk about washing hands, shall we?

Basic idea of washing hands: It requires soap. Yes, that's right, soap. Wonderful new invention. It actually lathers up the water and bonds with oils in the dirt and on your skin, lettng the water pull them away and cleaning your skin. Use it. Water alone does not clean your skin. It rinses it. Small amounts of dirt, oil, fecal matter, and plenty of germs, all stay right there and then get smeared around on anything you touch. Nice.

So how is it done properly? The 'official' word on that seems to be the same as it was when I worked in childcare and had health inspectors watching me wash my hands every few weeks. Here, I will provide a helpful series of images for you to follow along with as we go, making it easier for you to remember. This is how you actually clean shit off your hands:

1. wet your hands, preferably with warm water. But wait - you don't stop after step one!! There's MORE!

2. apply soap

3. scrub and lather for at LEAST 20 full seconds, away from the water, making sure to get under fingernails, between fingers, backs of hands and up to wrists.

4. rinse with clean water for 10 seconds, letting water drain down and away into the sink

5. dry with a clean towel and preferably use the towel to turn off the tap.

See? And it only takes 30 seconds to have hands that will actually not pass horrible diseases around and can actually be free of human waste!

WHY should you go to all those 30 seconds of bother, if you are the type of person who isn't in the least bit distressed by the thought of that stuff hanging around on your hands? There's a good link at the WI dhs that includes this snippet:

"Diseases spread through fecal-oral transmission. Infections which may be transmitted through this route include salmonellosis, shigellosis, hepatitis A, giardiasis, enterovirus, amebiasis, and campylobacteriosis. Because these diseases are spread through the ingestion of even the tiniest particles of fecal material, hand washing after using the toilet cannot be over-emphasized.

Diseases spread through indirect contact with respiratory secretions. Microorganisms which may be transmitted through this route include influenza, Streptococcus, respiratory syncytial virus (RSV) and the common cold. Because these diseases may be spread indirectly by hands contaminated by respiratory discharges of infected people, illness may be avoided by washing hands after coughing or sneezing and after shaking hands with an individual who has been coughing and sneezing.

Diseases may also be spread when hands are contaminated with urine, saliva or other moist body substances. Microorganisms which may be transmitted by one or more of these body substances include cytomegalovirus, typhoid, staphylococcal organisms, and Epstein-barr virus. These germs may be transmitted from person to person or indirectly by contamination of food or inanimate objects such as toys. "

Please, people. I'm hanging out with you, living with you, working with you. When you don't wash your hands, I KNOW. And it's gross. Save us all a sick day and save me from being repulsed by you when I might otherwise think you're a pretty decent human being. Hygeine. It's not just for OCD patients any more.

If you've been following along with our lives lately, you know that money has been really tight. We are getting particularly screwed by the cost of daycare, so much so that I am losing several hundred dollars each month by going to work. Part of that is because Amy is in all day kinder, and we would probably have Iris in some form of preschool anyway for the academic and social aspects, but even so. The full time thing for both girls is sucking us dry. So, we have been in the process of hiring someone to be at the house over summer rather than send the kids to daycare. Which will save us about a gazillion dollars.

I'm at the stage where I have a couple of applicants for the position that I like best, and I have been calling references and looking them up online and things like that. And tonight, I found out via an old blog that the girl I think I am most likely to hire was at one time an anorexic and a bulemic. She seems like a smart chick, and sweet and kind, and I am really sorry she struggled with an ED. It doesn't make any difference as far as hiring goes, obviously.

BUT

It poses a bit of a tricky situation when it comes to our relationship and how to navigate that, especially the first few meetings. In case you haven't noticed, I'm fat. And not just a little BBW kind of plump, I'm super-sized. So it leaves me wondering: Will my size be a trigger for her? Will just being exposed to me set her off and make her uncomfortable? For many recovering ED chicks, I am literally a walking manifestation of their deepest fears. Will that be the case for her, will she find it too difficult to be in our home because of it? Or on the flip side will she be critical, will she lash out instead? The one morning I leave breakfast dishes in the sink will she think, "A-HA! I always KNEW fat people were lazy!" and declare all her negative suppositions about obesity confirmed? Is it something that I can gently address, or is it still too sensitive a spot? Food becomes an issue, feeding the kids becomes emotionally charged.

It's so tricky, navigating stuff like this between women. And really, it shouldn't be. We're adults, we're educated and sane and kind compassionate generous people who want to work together. But eating is so... underground. We don't talk about it, don't talk about how we really feel about it and our bodies, don't talk about the late night binges or the rules we make up or how we really see ourselves, because it's just too scary and we are too vulnerable. I guarantee you, every woman out there has issues when it comes to food and eating and body. Some more severe than others. But we work so hard at pretending we don't, that we're just fine, and we don't ever mention those scary thoughts. Huge social taboo. So, you have to work around them without ever coming close to those issues in conversation, and it makes things like this tricky. It's a balancing act for sure.

Thanks for the well wishes everyone, I am back, and my parents have gone home. It was great to have them here... well except for my mother cleaning my house. She means well. We just have to work on those boundaries a little bit! In any case things are great, and the weather here is fantastic... above freezing which is very unusual for this time of year, and the sun feels so good. Everyone is able to get outside and play and walk and have fun and some fresh air, and that is great. Two thumbs up.

So.

This week, as I was at work, I was happily chatting away with one of my patients. Remember now that I treat peripheral neuropathy; so by and large the majority of my patients are older, and many of them are diabetic. The patient I was treating was just darling, one I really enjoy. She is 83 years old, and quite tall for her age, maybe 5'8". I would guess her weight to be about 140 or 150, very healthy and on the slender side especially for a woman of 83 who has seen a lot of life. At that age you start to worry more about keeping weight on, you know. Her husband is in an assisted living care residence now, but she is quite active. Despite her diabetes she walks well, even dances. She is involved with many activities with family, church and her community. She drives well, has a sharp mind, exercises every day, keeps a house and a garden, and for all the world looks and acts like a woman half her age.

So we're chatting about this and that, just catching up, and she mentions in a passing comment that she is fat, in a very self-depricating tone. This really surprised me, first because she tends to have high self esteem normally and second because she certainly is not fat. I paused and questioned her about it, pointing out that she seemed to be at a very healthy weight to me. Her normally chirpy voice tensed a little and she sighed and you could hear the resignation in her voice. Yes, she said, she was terribly fat. In fact, her doctor had told her that if she would just lose 15lbs, she probably wouldn't have diabetes.

I think I literally had to scoop my jaw up off the floor.

REALLY? This is what some medical professionals are telling healthy, happy, wonderful, SLENDER 83-year old women???? That they are responsible for their diabetes and the chronic pain it brings with it because they are so fat? Are you KIDDING me?

I don't argue that being overweight is a risk factor for diabetes. And people who are overweight or obese can lower their risk by losing weight, sure. And some people who have type II diabetes can even cure their diabetes by losing enough weight to restore their insulin function, it's true. But people who are already thin? They probably aren't going to make themselves any less diabetic by making themselves thinner. Sometimes diabetes isn't caused by being fat (shock!) and in those cases, weight loss won't solve it. Moreover, giving this advice to a normal weight patient who is in her eighties seems reckless to me at BEST.

But I think what bothers me most about this is the idea that if you are sick, you must have caused it yourself. And you must have done it by being fat - even if that is obviously not the case. It is so wrong to put that kind of burden on any woman, the double whammy of an emotional burden of thinking she is a social failure and a health failure all at once. Fat tends to get a bad rap anyway, it is always the cause of everything. I remember one time when Iris was a baby and we were rear ended. I went to my doctor after the car accident with pain in my shoulder and he advised me to lose weight. Apparently, fat causes car accidents. Who knew?? Now fat that doesn't even exist gets blamed. I am starting to think that we have trained some physicians in this country - the lazy ones perhaps - into using fat as the great scapegoat. Heart disease? Lose some weight. Cancer? You were fat anyway. Sore knees? Start a diet. Ear infection? Nice one, fatty. Giant gaping wound on your back? Well if you just lost some weight that wouldn't happen. It bugs the crap out of me. I'm not saying obesity is healthy, but when we have reached a point that a slender, elderly woman is blamed for her own diabetes and told she wouldn't have it if she would just man up and lose 15lbs, I think maybe something is a little out of whack.

I'm just saying.