Bi And Large

I just got back from a visit to my doctor / GP for an annual checkup. It has been almost 2 years since I went, I'm a slacker I know. I have an endo for most my health stuff, I have a pdoc for my mental stuff, it's hard to work in more dr appointments. But I suppose I do need my cholesterol checked and my ears looked at and the ever popular pap smear and someone I can call if I break my leg or something.

Anyway.

So I find out I have Rhuematoid arthritis, starting in my hands. 33 is pretty damn young. My mom's started in her hands when she was in her mid-thirties. So another auto-immune diagnosis, boo for that.

And

She found a lump in my breast.

So, I have an ultrasound scheduled for Wednesday to figure out more about THAT, and what's going on there. She spent for-fucking-ever during the exam feeling that thing out. I can't feel it myself, frankly, so I suppose it's a good thing I went in. She was big on saying how it's probably nothing and the ultrasound is just precautionary and all the rest, but I don't know whether she means it or whether she says that to everyone in this situation. Both my aunts have breast cancer, my Aunt Lynn is going through treatment right now... but they are both my aunts by marriage. No one in my biological family has any sort of cancer except skin cancer. No one. Ever. Back as far as we can find, nothing. No lung cancer, no prostate cancer, no colon cancer, no ovarian cancer, no lymphoma, no breast cancer. So this is a little out of place and not too worrying I suppose, but then you don't need a family history right.

Anyway I'll be sure to update on Wednesday.

Good Gravy have I been busy. I feel like I am running a marathon just to keep up these days. I suppose many people my age feel that way, but I get so tired of it. There's no leeway to just slow down and rest a little, no enjoying the moment, or you'll go spinning off into oblivion. It is hard to keep the pace.

I have so much tagged and half-written in my head that I want to blog about, but I haven't carved out the time to. Lots of fat activism stuff. Lots of LGBT stuff. Lots of just general stuff. I get tired and then I lose my anger and passion!!

School has started here and the girls have been back a week now. I am, of course, overwhelmed with forms and paperwork and supplies and all the rest. Money, eek. They ask for a fuckload of money around here. And I am frustrated too, because our district is so good academically, and sooooooo bad organizationally. They make me want to kick them in the throat, I am so frustrated with the sheer stupidity. And arrogance too, assuming everyone in the district is wealthy, has 2 parents, and one of them stays at home. They need serious help. I am too angry to be constructive, luckily Pete is able to focus his annoyance (years of practice as a PM I suppose) and is joining the PTA and trying to run for the school board. Except apparently you need to be a citizen to be on the school board. Sure, you might live here and work here and pay taxes and your kids go to the schools, but if you're not a citizen, NO DICE. It frustrates me.

In other news, my parents place looks awesome and they are coming back, again, next weekend! And this time my brother and his wife will be there too. We have lots of fun stuff planned. It's great to have my family around more often.

Work is excellent, I have been there over a year now. My boss still tends to fly off the handle and he has terrible business and management skills. But, he is learning. And, he is very smart at the medical stuff. So, I'm learning how to manage HIM and enjoying my work very very much.

And now I am going to deal with my 3 year old who is neurotic about bandaids. Wish me luck!

I am SO proud of my church today.

I mean, I have always been proud of them, for so many reasons. Mainly because of their common sense and intelligence and thoughtfulness with theology and social justice. Hot button issues that tend to drive other Christian denominations to emotional fervor, even fundamentalism? In the ELCA - that is my church, the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, one of the largest denominations in the US - those issues are handled with respect, thoughtfulness, prayer, delicacy, and wisdom. Never with wild abandon and impulse. Never with actions that just result in hurting others. I admire this so greatly, I can't tell you.

Let me give you an example. Abortion: total emotional hot button for most churches out here. Drives many people from some churches with guilt and splits other churches with arguments and cries over SIN and MURDER! In the ELCA? A simple statement, and a plan. The statement is that abortion is usually best avoided, but there are times when it is the best choice that can be made, and any woman or family facing such a difficult decision needs the support of the church like no other time in their life. We should run to embrace them and hold them and love and support them, regardless of the outcome, because anyone facing an unintended pregnancy is in a hell of a place. The plan? Sex education, first and foremost. Lots of it. Contraception. Broader adoption laws. Encourage adoption and foster care within our church community. Work hard to make our world a place where women have equal economic power and always fight tirelessly against rape, incest, and domestic violence. Now see? That makes SENSE. No standing on street corners yelling at people. No blaming the already crushed. It just works. That's what I love.

So. One other thing I have always liked about our church is their more liberal stance on LGBT relationships. They have always welcomed gay and lesbian members to the church with welcome arms. The letter from the bishop, I believe, greets LGBT members "as Children created by God, in His image." I love that. When we joined the church in 2004, some churches were allowing gay and lesbian pastors to serve... but ONLY if they were celibate. OK. So that's a step farther than many Christian churches, and that's good, but it doesn't make any logical sense. Either you welcome and accept LGBT folks, or you don't. No sitting on the fence. Which is it? The church recognized this dichotomy too, but has moved slowly to address it, for fear of a schism in the denomination. It has been discussed to death and this week was the big assembly to finally vote on whether or not ELCA churches could perform gay marriages and have partnered gay pastors.

In my work, I meet many retired ELCA pastors and older Lutherans. I am always pleasantly surprised at how many of these white, farm-bred midwestern seniors are vocally supportive of gay and lesbian brothers and sisters in the church. Some basically leave it with a "Well it's not like what they do in the bedroom affects ME any" attitude. I had one pastor explain in great detail to me the thought process behind this decision for the ELCA, and the rebuttal to those from other denominations who argue that the Bible says homosexuality is a sin. (First of all, yes it is mentioned in the Bible, but not as often as other sins. So while we will discuss it, let's not give it more power than we ought - it's not the ONE thing salvation is determined on, and not the major dealbreaker mentioned in the Bible or anything. Second, while we believe the Bible is the inspired Word of God, we also believe that the men who transcribed the Bible were humans, and were thus by definition fallible. It is quite possible that very strong cultural prejudices of the time could have influenced their writing. Third, if we're going to take every command in the Bible literally, we should take them all. The Bible also says don't touch lizards, or eat goat meat, or have period sex, and never ever touch a dead rabbit. Why is it OK to reject these commandments as holdovers from an earlier age of humanity, but not this one about sexuality now that we know more about how hardwired it is?) I also had one retired pastor just say offhand, and it was such a telling statement; that over the years he had seen many, many men and women come to him in tears and anguish, telling him that they were struggling with these desires and didn't know what to do. That right there told him it was something in the way people were made, they couldn't change it and didn't want it, it just was, and if they were created that way then it is as much a part of the human experience as anything else.

Anyway, the assembly. Pete got to go, at least to part of it when he wasn't bogged down at work. (He works for the ELCA and the assembly was here in town.) He says things were handled marvelously with humor and respect overall. Sure there were some odd ducks, every group has them. But it was run very smoothly by the people in charge. The big event was that at one point during the assembly, randomly - VERY randomly - we had some severe weather pop up and a tornado hit the convention center where this was all taking place. No injuries, the roof was just damaged a bit. But you know it was only a matter of hours before the extremists started calling it a 'sign from God' and claiming it for their side. As I read in one article, "I wonder if they note that the tornado hit before we started even discussing sexuality; and once we took the vote and it passed, suddenly the black rainy weather broke and beautiful warm sun burst out. You can make an argument for the weather being on your side go any way you like!"

The end results? Everything passed. :) Celebrating gay marriages passed by 61% and ordaining partnered gay ministers passed by 55%. Tornadoes be damned. I am sure there will be a bit of an aftermath, there always is with something this important with a denomination this size. But it is my sincere hope and prayer that the church will remain whole and healthy, stronger than ever, blessed by this decision taken in prayer and thoughtfulness. I know I am beaming from inside out with pride and joy today. Once again, my church did the right thing. They restored my faith in God and in people really listening to God and doing His work instead of their own here on earth. I am humbled.

I read an incredible rundown of the issue / vote on a blog by Matt Algren. He quoted a pastor in his blog that I simply must quote as well, because it's too good not to.

"In testimony before the vote on Resolution Three/Step Two, Rev. Lee M. Miller, II of St. John’s Evangelical Lutheran in Philadelphia stepped to the microphone and had this to say:

'I stand in favor of this resolution because I stand on the shoulders of gay and straight folks who have proclaimed the gospel of Christ and a message of love.

I am not saved because I’m a heterosexual. I’m saved because of what God has done.

And I want to say to those who are listening that they are not condemned because of their sexuality; but they are saved because of how God loves them, that God’s grace is for all, in all.

Thank you.'

This is the message of the Christian Church. That we’ve gotten so far away from it is disheartening, but I’m so proud of my Lutheran sisters and brothers for their courageous move back in the direction of the message. One day we will be of one mind on this issue. Until then, we all will continue to work."